Breaking Even
by samanddianefan10
Summary: What might have taken place between I'll be seeing you and Rebound. What leads Diane to the institution,  meeting Frasier, and eventually back to Sam. A woman can only take so much heartache and so much passion in one lifetime. AU
1. Chapter 1

Alternate version of I'll be seeing you- Sam and Diane's first official break-up

As Diane paced the steps of Cheers, trying to decide whether or not to go back to Sam, all she could think about was that this was one of those life-changing moments that you could never take back, whatever you did. Should she swallow her pride and go back to Sam, begging for him to reconsider the rash decision that they had both made in a heated moment? Should she do what he recommended and walk out the door and out of his life-permanently? This was Sam for God's sake. This was the man she had spent the better part of a year with, whom she had shared her bed, her innermost thoughts, her trust, and her beliefs. She did not give those values away easily, and when she did, it was often with her whole heart. It was funny; she had been engaged to another man when she met Sam Malone, but she did not grieve for Sumner the way she was beginning to now, and over a bartender. A bartender!

Maybe this was fate trying to tell her something. Maybe they were square pegs trying to make a round hole work. They had pushed and pulled each other in every direction and yet still found their way back together, every time. Diane couldn't explain it; she was a strong woman but yet she had a weakness for the very man who was the cause of her misery at this very moment. Every time she tried to walk away he pulled her back, without reason. Their love was a magnetic force, and they were definitely polar opposites.

They had shared something that no one could understand, and maybe it was better that way. Diane had tried time and time again to understand it, to put a label on the force that had drawn her to Sam, to figure out what it was that kept them together for all of those months. She'd analyzed it to death, searching the depths of her soul, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together that was the mystery of Sam and Diane. However she did it, she had only come to the same conclusion every time- there was no explaining them. They were just together because they wanted to be, not for any other reason. Now it was clear what she had to do.

Turning around on those steps was one of the hardest decisions she had ever had to do. Swallowing her pride was never easy; that's why she rarely did it. But she loved Sam, lord knew why, but she did. And if that meant setting aside their differences and trying to make things right then so be it. She was adult enough to make the first move. Now if only Sam could do the same, that was the question.

"Did you forget something?" Sam asked casually but bitterly, not even trying to hide the resentment in his voice.

"No, Sam. I came back…I came back to try to try to salvage what is left of you and I. I know that we did not part on the best of terms and I thought it best that we try to resolve things rather than leave things as we did," Diane replied, with a note of hurt in her voice.

"I don't know what you mean. I dumped you, you left, it seems to me there's nothing left for us to talk about."

"Sam, you did not dump me, I ended things, why can't you admit it?"

"How many times can a woman be dumped in one day? When I said it was over, I meant it was over! Do I have to spell it out for you?" Sam reiterated.

"Look," Diane sighed. "I did not come here to squabble over trivialities."

"Then why did you come back?"

"I came back to see if we could try to salvage what was left of our relationship. I don't want to end things the way we did and I don't think you do either."

"You sound pretty confident for a woman out of a job, out of love, and out of luck."

"Now look here, buster,"

"Now you look, I let you come in here and say your piece, but it's getting old to tell you the truth. I said what I said because to be honest, I haven't been happy with you for quite some time. I just haven't had the courage to tell you what I should have told you a long time ago- I don't love you Diane and I don't think I ever have," Sam stared at her.

Diane took a deep breath. That was the last thing she had ever expected to hear. At least he was honest, which was she deserved. She would not cry, not in front of him.

"Very well. I can see that I am wasting my time. I wish you nothing but the best Sam. I hope you find whatever it is that you are looking for. Good luck in your business, with your health- and with your life. I want nothing but the best for you. Farewell." Diane took one last look around the place that had been a second home for her and slowly walked out the door, and once she had made it outside she finally allowed herself to break down, and she knew that she was in deep trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

The strangers stared as she had completely collapsed by that point, but no one really knew what to do. Diane Chambers, the most well put together member of the Cheers environment, had now completely fallen to pieces, and in public, and if Sam Malone had witnessed it, it just might have made a difference. Maybe he would have taken back those awful words he would have said to her. Maybe he would have apologized for slapping her. But really, how could a person take back goodbye?

They couldn't, and Diane knew it. Even though she had tried to tell herself on the way out of the bar that she was the one leaving Sam she knew that it didn't really matter… it was over. And it did not end on her terms. Maybe part of the reason for her predicament now was the lack of control- Diane always needed to be the one in control-or maybe, just maybe, she really did love Sam, and once you have given your heart to someone you can't get it back no matter what they say or do to you. You might hate yourself for it, the mind might punish yourself for it, but you just can't stop loving someone just because they tell you those most dreaded words in the English dictionary: I don't love you anymore.

Sam hadn't come out and said it, but he hadn't needed to. It was obvious by the coldness in his voice, the words he chose, his actions- just the fact that he had slapped her was proof enough that the tides had changed in their love. But the realization that he no longer loved her hit Diane just as the snow started to fall on that cold Boston day, and though she knew people were watching, she did not care. She fell to her knees as she tried to make sense of what had just happened to her.

What would happen to her? Would she ever love again? Would she find another job? All of those questions were hitting her on top of the sheer pain of the emotion that comes from a cold and calculating break-up. Her mind was racing and throwing words at her faster than she could process them. She, Diane, a master of the human language, could not understand what her own mind was telling her. Words were coming at her like the rainfall comes down in a Seattle rainstorm. Sam. Over. Lost. Enough. Hate. Broken. Rejected. Afraid. They were simple words, but again, they were all that her mind would allow, and they were some of the strongest words that conveyed the most telling of stories in and of themselves. Those were the words that came out of her mouth when the police officer found her. He looked at her with a mixture of pity and confusion. He'd seen this all too many times before. It was a good thing he'd found her when he did. There were too many bridges here, too many things buildings, too many anything for her to get herself into. She was in good hands now, and she was going to be all right. He'd make sure of that.


	3. Chapter 3

She must have gone between alternating states of crying and blank stares into nothing for at least three hours before they could finally get her name out of her. Poor woman, the nurse Anne thought to herself. Only one thing could drive a woman to this state of despair.

"Who is he, honey?" Anne asked as she offered Diane another tissue.

"Who is who?" A confused yet grateful Diane accepted the offering then wiped her face. Traces of mascara could be seen all along the tissue but that didn't even register with Diane- that that was her makeup, her tears. It was as if she had been in another world. In a way, she had been, hadn't she? Sam had torn her down and unlike before, he was not there to build her back up the way he usually did. Diane looked around…how had she gotten to the hospital? She didn't remember driving herself there, and it was probably for the best. Most definitely, Diane Chambers was not in a state to be driving.

"Who brought you here today?"

"I don't know," Diane responded reluctantly. "I was hoping you could tell me."

"Who is the man, Diane? I've seen hundreds of women in your shape, and they were all brought to your state of mind by one thing- a man," Anne responded patiently.

"There is no man. If there were, I would tell you. But there isn't. Not…not now. Now can you please let me go home?"

"I'm afraid you're here for at least three days. Possibly longer if the doctors determine.."

"Doctors… what do doctors have to say about my whereabouts? And I don't want any funny answers. Where am I anyways?"

"You really don't know, do you? Do you know what day it is?"

"It's Thursday."

Anne smiled warmly. "I'm afraid it's Saturday, four in the morning to be exact. And you are at the state hospital. Do you know why you're here?"

Suddenly it had all hit her at once. Sam. The slapping. Didn't love her…never had…Oh God, Diane thought bitterly as she tried to wipe away the tears that had flooded her eyes. This was about Sam. What had he done to her?

"I don't know. I do know that I most certainly do not belong in a place like this. I insist that you let me go immediately or, or..I'll call my mother!"

"Your mother knows you're here." 

"Then when is she coming to get me? I want to go home, nay, I demand that I go home right this instant!"

"So you can go home and cry some more? That wouldn't be very prudent of me, now would it, Diane?"

"Stop calling me Diane!"

"That is your name, isn't it?"

"Of course it is. Why are you asking me these things?"

"You really don't know do you?"

"Of course I don't!" Diane cried out, frustrated. "Now let me go." She ran to the door only to find out that it was locked.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything to you. You're here for your own safety. You're being held on a suicide watch. Do you remember almost running into the streets?"

"No. I would never do anything like that. It would be too painful."

"So you admit to having these thoughts before?"

"No," Diane pounded on her chair. "I don't know anything about running into the streets and I most certainly am not suicidal. Nothing would make me…that way."

"I see that you are highly distressed, and my presence isn't helping, is it?"

"No! I want to go home."

Anne stood up, pulling out her keys. "I'll come back while you have time to process what has happened to you. I'll send someone in with a snack. Certainly you must be hungry after what you've been through."

"I won't eat it!"

As Anne walked out the doorway, she turned to her newest patient. "Take care of yourself, Diane. It's going to be all right. You'll remember when you're ready. And I do promise you will feel like talking about it."

"I will never!"

"Goodbye for now, Diane."

Diane looked around the barren room she was in and couldn't believe that this was really happening. It should be Sam the one who was locked up, not her. Sam. Even in her most distressed state she found herself thinking about Sam. And it nearly broke her heart-it would have, if it hadn't already been broken.

TBC


End file.
